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Old 07-20-2009, 06:36 PM   #21
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Last edited by sherman; 07-20-2009 at 06:38 PM..
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Old 07-20-2009, 06:40 PM   #22
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Old 07-20-2009, 06:44 PM   #23
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Old 07-20-2009, 06:50 PM   #24
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Old 07-20-2009, 06:56 PM   #25
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Old 07-20-2009, 06:59 PM   #26
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Old 07-20-2009, 07:01 PM   #27
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Old 07-20-2009, 07:03 PM   #28
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Old 07-20-2009, 07:06 PM   #29
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Old 07-20-2009, 07:44 PM   #30
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Ha ha!!!!
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Old 07-20-2009, 10:13 PM   #31
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Lol!
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Old 07-20-2009, 10:17 PM   #32
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A bus stops and 2 men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more! .
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."

The lady can't take this any more, "You foul-mouthed seks obsessed pig," she retorted indignantly.

"In this country. we don't speak aloud in Public places about our seks lives.

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin' abouta seksa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'."
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Old 07-21-2009, 01:16 AM   #33
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zenga View Post
A bus stops and 2 men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more! .
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."

The lady can't take this any more, "You foul-mouthed seks obsessed pig," she retorted indignantly.

"In this country. we don't speak aloud in Public places about our seks lives.

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin' abouta seksa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'."
Hahahah, cultural jokes FTW!
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Old 07-21-2009, 06:28 AM   #34
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Old 07-21-2009, 08:52 AM   #35
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Relic View Post
Hahahah, cultural jokes FTW!
Good Clean Jewish Humor


Q - What did the waiter ask the group of dining Jewish mothers?
A - "Is ANYTHING all right?"

Q- "How many Jewish mothers does it take the change a light bulb
A: (Sigh) Don't bother, I'll sit in the dark, I don't want to be
a nuisance to anybody


Sam Levy was driving down the road, gets pulled over by a Policeman.
Walking up to Sam's car, the Policeman says, "Your wife fell out of
the car 5 miles back."
Sam replies, "Thank god for that...I'd thought I'd gone deaf!"

Short summary of every Jewish Holiday: They tried to kill us, we won,
let's eat."

Did you hear about the bum who walked up to the Jewish mother on the
street and said, 'Lady, I haven't eaten in three days. "Force yourself",
she replied.

What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother?
Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

A young Jewish Man calls his mother and says, "Mom, I'm bringing home a
wonderful woman I want to marry. She's a Native American and her name is
Shooting Star." "How nice," says his mother. "I have an Indian name too,"
he says. "It's Running Water" and you have to call me that from now on."
"How nice," says his mother. "You have to have an Indian name too, Mom"
"I already do," says the mother. "Just call me Sitting Shiva"

A man calls his mother in Florida. "Mom, how are you?" "Not too good,"
says the mother.
"I've been very weak." The son says, "Why are you so weak?" She says,
"Because I haven't eaten in 38 days." The man says, "That's terrible.
Why haven't you eaten in 38 days? The mother answers, "Because I didn't
want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."

Jewish view on when life begins:
There's a big controversy on when life begins. In Jewish tradition the
fetus is not considered viable until after it graduates from medical
school.

A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been given
a part in the school play. "Wonderful. What part is it?" The boy says, "I
play the part of the Jewish husband." The mother scowls and says "Go back
and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."

Jewish Telegram "Begin worrying. Details to follow."
--------------------

Jewish humor from a Jewish friend.....................................

5759 Year according to Jewish calendar
4696 Year according to Chinese calendar
1063 Total number of years that Jews went without Chinese food

A little humor!

> The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about
> something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came
> for
> the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at
> a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he
> sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little
> Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a
>
> small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher
> couldn't
> figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting,
> so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period" reported Johnnie. "Well
> I can see that" she said. "but what is so exciting about a period." "Damned
> if I know" said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one.
> Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot
> himself.

Prison vs. Work

In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8'x10' cell.
At work you spend most of your time in a 6'x8'cubicle.

In prison you get three meals a day.
At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

In prison you get time off for good behavior.
At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all
the doors yourself.

In prison you can watch TV and play games.
At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

In prison you get your own toilet.
At work you have to share.

In prison they allow your family and friends to visit.
At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends on the phone.

In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they
deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

In prison you spend most of your life looking through the bars
from the inside wanting to get out.
At work you spend your time wanting to get out and inside bars.

In prison you can join many programs which you can leave at any time.
At work there are some programs you can never get out of.

In prison there are OCCASIONALLY wardens who are sadistic.
At work we ALWAYS have managers.

The Soldier

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from
several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had
finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The
train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train,
looking for an empty seat.

The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well-dressed
middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war
weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"

The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and
said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't
you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after
another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing
the woman with the dog.

Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."

The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not
only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"

The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the
little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the
empty seat.

The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her
and chastise the soldier.

An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know,
sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong
thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your
autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown
the wrong ***** out the window."
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Old 07-21-2009, 09:03 AM   #36
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Sherman did you just copy half the pics u posted from the app Funny Pics on the ipod/iphone


:/ i saw more than half these before
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Old 07-21-2009, 09:06 AM   #37
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No paster, I have my own little site I go to.





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Old 07-21-2009, 09:07 AM   #38
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Old 07-21-2009, 09:10 AM   #39
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Old 07-21-2009, 09:12 AM   #40
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